Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah
Question: Assalamu alaykum
I was in a love relationship with a guy and when he faced a financial trouble I helped him out by giving some gold. I stole my mother’s jewellery.
How can I repent?
Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to do the right thing.
There are three matters here that need to be resolved immediately in order to conclude the problems you are facing; the theft, repentance, and the relationship if it is still continuing.
The first step to take is to return the item of jewellery to your mother. This is an absolute imperative. You are correct in that a sincere repentance cannot be complete until anything unjustly taken has been restored [Tuhfa al Muhtaj, Mughni al Muhtaj]
However, you do not have to personally give it back to your mother and confess what you did. You may place it somewhere (safe and secure) that she will easily come across it and leave it at that.
Additionally, if you are able to, go out of your way to make it up to your mother in some way, such as buying her a gift or just lavishing her with affection and love.
Feelings between male and females are natural, and Allah has allowed the natural emotions of love, affection and desire between people but within specific boundaries. Long term relationships are outside of these boundaries, and can lead to the gravest of sins.
If you have finished the relationship with this person, then this is a good thing and please do not have any contact with him again. If the relationship has not ended, then you must end it immediately and stop any contact with each other. It may be difficult at first, but over time you will realise it is the right thing. See it as a fresh start.
As you have realised, the sin of stealing is serious, as is causing unnecessary sadness and distress to our parents. However, do not fret, the doors of Allah’s Mercy are always open for those who are sincere, and the fact that you feel remorse and desire to make amends is a sign Allah wants only good for you.
Along with returning the jewellery, you must make tawba (repentance) by praying two cycles of prayer and supplicating earnestly for forgiveness. It is also a condition for repentance to be accepted that one feels genuine regret and resolves to never do such a thing again.
Allah Most High tells us, ‘And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins … For such, the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath, an eternal dwelling: How excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)! [3:135-136]
I would suggest you make three separate prayers of repentance (with supplication): one for the theft, one for the unlawful relationship, and one for the hardship caused to your mother.
Once you have done all the above with sincerity and resolve, then you can consider everything forgiven and finished, and you can move on with life.
May Allah grant you every good and forgiveness in abundance. Please do remember us in your du’as when supplicating. The sincere repentance and petition from a heart which has erred is a tremendous matter.
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah
Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.