Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: Assalamu alaykum,

My question is about marriage and how to deal with future in-laws who are not Muslim. If a woman wishes to marry a convert whose mother is not willing to meet her because she is Muslim and wears the hijab then should this affect her decision to go ahead with the marriage?

My parents are supportive of whatever decision I make but fear that if the guy’s mother is not willing to meet me before the wedding then there will be incredible tension and pain for me in my future relationship. 

Answer: Assalamu alaikum,

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question.

Sadly, one of the most difficult (and hurtful) consequences of a cross-cultural marriage can be the rejection the young couple face from either one or both sides of their respective families.

My own mother dealt with this; my father’s parents refused to meet her and refused to meet their own grandchildren (my sister and me), and this situation lasted for decades.

It really hurt. Alhamdulillah, however, the human spirit is resilient and other family members saw the price of intolerance and did their best to make amends.

If you think you have the strength to weather the storms, don’t let your fiance’s mother stand in your way. It’s funny how people accuse Muslims of being intolerant but then turn around and manifest the exact same sins.

It’s possible God will soften her heart and she will come around, or she may never accept you. I hate to paint it in such stark terms, but it’s best to prepare yourself for chilly or non-existent family relations.

May Allah grant ease,

Zaynab Ansari

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