How Can I Avoid Anxiety and Being Taken Advantage of Due to Being Too Nice and Always Wanting to Please Others?

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: How does one know the limits of modesty and humbleness from being a push over. I feel as if I am too giving and modest and humble to the point that i get taken advantage of. I might even sin to avoid displeasing others.  This issue is in every aspect of my life, from work to finances to relationships etc. If someone gets upset with me I  even get panic and anxiety attacks. Why do i care so much about what others think of me? Maybe it’s low self esteem. How do i find a balance of keeping myself happy and others too?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Assalamu alaikum,

I pray this message finds you well.

Working on your religious self-esteem is really a matter of increasing confidence in the religion of Allah. Perhaps embarking on a good course of Islamic study along with keeping strong friendships is a good place to start.

If self-esteem issues are preventing you from functioning in your workplace and your relationships, you might want to seek counseling.

You should ask Allah for thabat (consistency and firmness) and say, “O Allah, o controller of hearts and eyes, make my heart firm upon your religion.”

May Allah reward you,

Zaynab Ansari