Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam alaykum,

I embraced Islam when I was 12, and am now 17. Unfortunately, I have fallen in love with a non-Muslim girl. What do I do?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Akhirah

Allah loves you, dear questioner, and He only wants good for you.

Reflect deeply on why Allah has forbidden pre-marital relationships. The Shari‘a is there to protect your well-being in this world as well as the next. Please don’t lose sight of that. Please read: What is the Shariah? A Path to God, a Path to Good – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

When you are young, it is difficult to think long-term. Additionally, you lack the guidance of Muslim parents.

Please stay connected to us at SeekersHub. Are there any Muslims you can befriend in your locality? It is extremely important for you to have support from like-minded Muslims.

Marriage

It was narrated from Ibn Abbas that the Messenger of Allah said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

The only lawful relationship you can have with a woman is marriage. This is difficult to hear when you are young, still in school, and not prepared for marriage. Please give yourself time to mature and better understand the responsibilities that come with marriage.

When registration reopens, please enroll in Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.

I encourage you to save yourself for your wife. Intimacy with your wife is something you will be rewarded for, because of the sacred contract of marriage in Islam. However, a relationship with a girlfriend will earn the displeasure of Allah, and will not grant you lasting happiness.

Sacrifice

“Whoever submits his whole self to Allah, and is a doer of good, has grasped indeed the most trustworthy hand-hold: and with Allah rests the End and Decision of (all) affairs.” [Qur’an, 31:22]

Consider the great reward that lies in giving up your desires for Allah’s sake. Please trust that He will never let you down.

I encourage you to distance yourself from this young woman and end your relationship. Even if you have not formally asked her to be your girlfriend, you are already in love with her.

Spiritual nourishment

Soothe your heart with recitation of the Qur’an, fasting, earnest dua, and regular repentance.

May Allah grant you the courage to do what pleases Him, and may He grant you a heart that longs for His pleasure.

Please see:

Muslim Convert: What would people think of me?
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)