Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I was in a sinful relationship with a guy but feel so guilty, ended it, cry and repent every day. I’m still a virgin. Will Allah forgive me? Will He still consider me as pure? If this guy tells my parents, can I deny it?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Repentance

“If any one does evil or wrongs his own soul but afterwards seeks Allah’s forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an, 4:110]

Dear sister, please trust in Allah’s Love and Divine Concern for you. A sincere repentance makes you pure again, and if Allah wills, He can transform your bad deeds into good deeds. Please strive to perfect your repentance, as best as you can, and have a good opinion of Allah. Your repentance could be the means of you attaining an even higher rank with Him.

The conditions for repentance are well known:

1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]

(Excerpt from What is Sincere Repentance? by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani)

Spiritual Connection

What is your relationship with Allah like? I encourage you to do regular acts of devotion with the intention of drawing closer to HIm. Start by completing your obligatory acts first, then beautify your acts of worship by adding supererogatory acts of worship. Take small, consistent steps which you can then build on.

I also encourage you to podcasts such as Content of Character and The Rawha. Nourish your heart with the waters of obedience to Allah, and your limbs will follow.

Parents

It is obligatory for you to hide your sin. Because of this, if he does speak to your parents, then you are obligated to lie to them, and deny that it happened. Please refer to this answer to help you understand this better: Is It Permissible to Lie In Order to Conceal Past Sins? by Shaykh Faraz Khan.

Marriage

It was narrated from Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Longing for companionship is normal and healthy. Please channel this into marriage. I encourage you to enrol in and complete the course Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. In the meantime, you can download free downloadable lesson sets on Getting Married. A successful Islamic marriage requires far more than love and attraction. It requires a lifelong commitment to exercising sincere concern for your spouse, for the sake of Allah, through the sweetness and bitterness of life.

I encourage you to begin the conversation with your parents about you getting married. Raise your concerns. Let them know about the kind of person you would like to marry.

I pray that Allah grants you a complete repentance and, when the time is right, the gift of a successful marriage.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Reader on Repentance
Can One Lie About Past Sins?

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)