Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I have been married for several years and have 2 children. Before marriage, my husband said he was somewhat regular in prayer and fasting and would be more so if he someone around him was regular with them also.  He still isn’t regular. Recently he has started becoming very irresponsible and spends little time with the children resulting in some behavior problems.  He spends most of his time watching tv or shopping.  When I bring up these issues, he gets angry and abusive.   Please tell me what i should do.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

A cardinal rule of marriage is to never marry someone believing they will change. Someone who doesn’t pray or fast is not likely to change unless they are intrinsically motivated to change for the better. Sadly, despite what promises they might make to the contrary, they are not motivated to change for their spouse or children. This is particularly acute in the case of men who feel that the wife won’t go anywhere anyway so why bother to change?

Sister, you are an adult. Too many women become trapped in marriages, economically and psychologically dependent on men who don’t fear God. Not every man, sadly, is cut out to be a husband and a father and too many women realize this when they get married. Don’t be afraid to act in the best interests of you and your children. Allah will make a way for you if you seek Him.

You can try marriage counseling and being the best wife you can be. You can model the best behavior for your children. But you must also consider your and your children’s needs. Is this situation healthy for you and them?

May Allah Ta’ala make things easy,

Zaynab Ansari

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