Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

Can a husband interfere in what the wife teaches her kids (assuming what she teaches is Islamically appropriate)?In particular, can the husband ban his wife from teaching her kids another language, for example due to his racism against that language?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Banning

As a general rule, it is not a good idea for a husband to ‘ban’ his wife from anything beneficial.

Deeper issues

It sounds like there are deeper issues within your marriage.

Husbands who like to control and ban often have deep fears, or feel insecure or disrespected in some way. Is it possible that he is worried that you and your children will speak about him behind his back, in a language he does not understand?

Perhaps you can invite him to your lessons, and encourage him to learn too.

Interference

What is the current state of your marriage? Do you and your husband feel deeply connected? Are you on the same team?

Reading between the lines, it sounds like your marriage has a lot of simmering resentment and hostility.

It sounds like you dislike his contribution to your education plans for your children. Please know that he is still their father, and it is important for him to be involved in their education.

Consider the example you are modelling for your children. They can sense the unspoken tension between you and your husband. They can also learn from you softening towards your husband, and choosing to let him back into your heart.

Obedience to Husband

I strongly encourage you to listen to Megan Wyatt’s podcasts and to explore the resources on her website, Wives of Jannah.

As unlikely as it might feel right now, please know that positive change within your marriage can start from you.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)