Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: As salamu 3alaikum and jazakum Allah khair for taking the time to answer my question. I was wondering if it is fair to make duaa for Allah to make a specific individual love me and become my spouse if I know that that person isn’t interested.

I used to make heartfelt duaa that Allah makes a particular brother my spouse. One day I told him I had feelings for him.  He was polite, but he didn’t reciprocate. However, my feelings are still very strong for him.Can I continue to make this duaa or is it not fair to him?

Answer: Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I pray you are well.

I like to look at things practically. Your emotions are really involved in this and that is perfectly understandable. But I think you could really benefit by extricating your emotions for a minute and thinking what you’d say to your sister or a good friend who wanted to marry this brother. Would you still recommend him?

If your duas are pointing you toward believing that this is the best person for you, why not be direct with him and propose marriage? I honestly think that’s better than an online confession of love that might or not have been flattering to him, but probably wasn’t taken seriously.

If he rejects your proposal outright, then I suggest moving on. It will be painful, but I’d hate to see a sister wasting years of her youth pining over someone who will not or cannot return her affections (in a halal way, of course!)

May Allah Ta’ala grant you a righteous, loving spouse!

Zaynab

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