Ustadh Tabraze Azam explains that baseless misgivings about one’s Islam are part of pure faith and such thoughts do not put one outside of the fold.
Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.
I have bad thoughts keep coming over to me this last few days. It was really hard and I tried my best every time to not entertain these bad thoughts. I have bad thoughts about like “get out from Islam,” or something like “Apostate, I’m an apostate” and such.
For the last few days, I didn’t entertain this thought but today, when I was studying, thoughts like “Get out from Islam, you’re not a Muslim” come to my mind. I made a mistake, I deliberately utter this word “Get out from Islam” and then part of myself said “Who?” I’m not sure if I said, “I want to get out from Islam” or “Get out from Islam.” It’s like the word “I” is only in my mind and heart but utter the words “Get out from Islam.”
I have no intention to get out from Islam. Although I’m not a good Muslim I still want to die in Islam and I still want to be a Muslim. What should I do? Does doing this makes me a disbeliever? Should I just ignore these thoughts ? I have retaken my shahadah.
Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.
You are still a Muslim, by the Grace of Allah.
Faith is something deeply rooted in the heart. It isn’t something that leaves by mistake because its entailment is clearly belying Allah and His Messenger, Allah bless him and give him peace, and that takes conviction. This is why Imam Tahawi stated in his Creed that a person leaves the faith only by rejecting “that which brought him into it.”
What you are experiencing is some form of unhealthy misgivings (waswasa). This is something that even the Companions (sahaba) dealt with, and the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, remarked to them that they were from “pure faith.” (Muslim) That is to say, deeming them to be odious and abominable statements is a mark of true faith.
Busy yourself with righteous actions and company, recite regular remembrances (adhkar), send many blessings upon the Blessed Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, and continue supplicating to Allah Most High to relieve you from this difficult situation. If you continue to struggle with these matters, I suggest that you get in touch with a mental health professional, ideally somebody from a Muslim background so they can assist you more ably.
Please also see A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings).
And Allah Most High knows best.
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.