Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I am in love with a young woman. We have done sinful things in the past. Will Allah and the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) ever forgive me?
At first, she said she didn’t want to marry me because my income was too low. I begged, and then she agreed.
Soon after, she changed her mind and said she didn’t want to marry me anymore. I truly love her and want to marry her, and I’m planning to transfer to a better-paying job. What can I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay.
Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Allah, the Exalted, has said: ‘O son of Adam, I forgive you as long as you pray to Me and hope for My forgiveness, whatever sins you have committed. O son of Adam, I do not care if your sins reach the height of the heaven, then you ask for my forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you come to Me with an earth load of sins, and meet Me associating nothing to Me, I would match it with an earthload of forgiveness.”‘ Tirmidhi].
Please do not despair in the mercy of Allah. Allah loves you, and wants goodness for you. Yes, you have sinned, so continue to make a sincere repentance. Dunya is filled with trials, so after you fall, pick yourself up, make your repentance, then move forward.
Before you even consider marriage, please listen to the free downloadable lesson set Getting Married, with Ustadha Shireen Ahmed and Shaykh Faraz Rabbani. When registration reopens, please enrol in Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. Please implement the wisdom in these resources.
Your situation is a difficult one. You have sinned with this young woman, you are in love with her, and she has changed her mind many times. However, the reality is that she she longer wants to marry you.
My advice to you is to surrender to the Will of Allah. You are torn with longing and heartache because you are hoping for something that may never happen. I pray that Allah soothe your pain. Tests of heartbreak are the amongst the hardest to bear, but bear this with patience, and bring yourself closer to Allah. Allah alone can soothe your pain.
Occupy your heart with Allah, and He will lift the anguish from it. Listen to and read Qur’an daily, wake up in the last third of the night and pray tahajjud.
Please choose your wife wisely. She will be your companion on your journey to Jannah, and the future mother of your children. Pick a woman who brings out the best in you, who accepts you as you are, and is happy to be supported by you.
Falling in love first can often cloud your judgement. I suggest that you speak to your family about wanting to married. Your parents want what is best for you, know you, and may already have someone in mind for you.
The heart wants what it wants. You can make this harder on yourself by pining for her, or you can make it easier by actively letting go.
I encourage you to read Surah Al-Waqiah as regularly as you can, to help you increase your provision, and to eliminate fear of poverty in your heart.
Please perform the Prayer of Need regularly, beg Allah to remove her from your heart, and ask Him to send you a righteous and loving wife who will be your solace in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.