How Can I Deal With Living With My Brother's Drug Problem?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

My wife says her prayer regularly, but she is not serious about maintaining her hijab while going outside or meeting with non-mahrams, or her cousins. I continuously order/request/advise her to maintain hijab properly, but she does not do so. Shall I be held accountable for this on the Day of Judgement although I always ask her to do so? Also, shall I be held accountable for my sister who is married and is not maintaining hijab properly?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Individual Accountability

“And each soul is paid in full for what it did. And He is Best Aware of what they do.” [Qur’an, 39:70]

Dear questioner, please rest assured that you will not be held to account for the sins of your wife and your sister. You will be held to account for your own deeds. May Allah have mercy on us all.

I sincerely advise you to drop the topic of hijab altogether. Work on cultivating a deeper connection with your wife. Romance her, appreciate her, help her feel loved and supported. Learn how to play with her, just like the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did with his wives.

It is possible to deeply love someone and hate their sins. We all sin. Nagging your wife or sister about their hijab may end up driving them further away. Find ways to inspire them instead, and the best inspiration is your own excellent character.

Improving your own character

I encourage you to look inwards. How can you better your own practice of Islam? How can you be more patient? How can you be more charitable? How can you increase in your love for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)? The list is endless. Instead of focusing on what your wife’s shortcomings, focus on your own.

Influencing your wife

Please read this article and reflect on it. Husbands Can Only Be Influential if They Accept Influence. Ask yourself – how can you be a better husband? How can you be of more service to her? How can you show your appreciation for her?

May Allah guide your wife and sister to hijab, soothe your troubled heart, and may He give you the wisdom to choose your battles.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)