Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
Question: I was a constant victim of child abuse from a servant in our house when i was young. My family was also very dysfunctional and not religious at all; my dad was an alcoholic, there was alot of fighting between my parents and so forth. In this situation, i married someone well older than me who used me emotionally, physically and financially. I couldnt handle all this and tried to commit suicide but realized it would not solve anything. Since then I have seriously repented and prayed for forgiveness and I had come across someone who wished to marry me. I told him about my past and he seemed fine with it but then backed down saying he felt discomfort around me due to my past. I feel like I am cursed. I would like a husband and a family but no one will accept me. Please guide me.
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and their followers.
Thank you for your question. I pray you are doing better.
I cannot emphasize enough how innocent you are of what happened to you as a child. You were not to blame. The adult who did this will face justice from Allah Ta’ala in the next world and Allah’s justice in that world will be swift and eternal. Any good deeds this person had will go to you and any bad deeds you had will go to him.
Given the state of mind you were in, it’s not surprising you fell into a bad relationship. You were seeking the type of love, validation, and protection you may not have received from your parents.
Thank Allah that you have gotten out of this bad relationship and turned to Him in repentance. Your repentance is enough to wipe away your past. It is not right that anyone should hold your mistakes against you; you have been wounded enough.
Don’t marry someone who can’t accept you as you are. You need someone who can offer unconditional love and support.
Ask Allah to send you someone who will help you to heal. You can make this dua from the Qur’an: “Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” Al-Furqan (The Criterion) [25:74]
May Allah reward you,
Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
August 18, 2010/Ramadan 7, 1431
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani