Answered by Shaykh Rami Nsour

Question: Assalamualykum,

I am a female assessed with a problem of hirsutism. It has affected my life to the point that I am unable to consider marriage, even though I desire it greatly and keep receiving interests. I disguise the problem using differing techniques and due to my depression have only sufficient energy to struggle with my daily work. I also find socializing to be difficult because of my insecurity issues. Please advise me on how I can proceed and find relief in this situation.

Answer:

Trust in Allah

May Allah make your situation easy. You have to begin by increasing the trust you already have in Allah. Constantly remind yourself that He is the One who chose this for you and He would never place a burden on a soul more than it could bear. If it is meant that you find a man to marry, then it will happen, regardless of your anxieties.

Face your fears

You should begin to face your fears and anxiety. A lot of what you are experiencing in terms of thoughts and anxiety is whisperings (waswasa) of the self (nafs) and devil (shaytan). These whisperings will override your logic and cause you to not live your life to its fullest. The only cure is to ignore these thoughts.

Find a solution

Once you realize that it is possible for you to get married without having to entertain thoughts of being a second wife, then you should go about accessing the means. This entails pursuing some of the interest that comes your way in terms of requests. This will also require that at some point you speak with a suitor and let them know about your situation. Some may accept it some may not. You have to mentally prepare yourself for this and be content with the possibility of rejection.

Rejection is not a bad thing

There are plenty of people in this world that will marry you for who you are and not care about the condition that you have. This is the kind of person that you are looking for. As for the ones who would reject you based solely on your condition, they do not deserve to be married to you. Read and reflect on the many stories of the prophets (upon them be peace) and our Prophet (upon him be the greatest of peace and blessings). Reflect on how their people rejected them and did not take them for who they were.

Seek assistance

You have built up a lot of pain, emotion, anger, fear, and anxiety throughout your life. Don’t think that you can unravel these emotions on your own. You need to reach out to a person experienced in therapy or counseling who can help you work through this. Once you begin working through your emotions, you will find that approaching marriage will be that much easier. Ramadan is approaching and you can use this time of inward reflection to your advantage.

May Allah alleviate your pain.

Rami Nsour

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