Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I slept with two different men because I never thought my boyfriend and I would end up together. If I confess to him, he will never forgive me. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him) said, “All my Community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such, while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under the cover of Allah, and they rended Allah’s covering from themselves in the morning.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
Dear sister, please do not confess anything to the father of your child. Make good on your repentance by burying this, and never speak of this to anyone. It is obligatory for you to hide your sins, especially one that could bring harm to you and your daughter.
Please refer to this article: Can We Deny Having Committed Sins After We’ve Repented From Them?
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “If you were to commit sin until your sins reach the heaven, then you were to repent, your repentance would be accepted.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Allah wants everlasting good for you. The door of repentance is wide open for you, and continues to be, until you depart from this dunya. Never despair in the mercy of Allah.
Are you married to the father of your child? I ask you this because it is important to establish the legitimacy of your daughter.
If your daughter was born out of wedlock, or prior to 6 months before wedlock, then she is considered illegitimate. If this is the case, then her father cannot be her wali when it is time for her to get married, and cannot inherit from him after his death. She is attributed to you, and can inherit from you.
When it is time for your daughter to marry, she has two options:
1) Tawliyah: appointing a man of integrity to act as her wali.
2) Tahkim: when she appoints, with her fiancé, as a she appoints, with her fiance, a scholar as an ad hoc judge to marry her off to her fiancé.
What is your relationship with Allah like? I encourage you to study with SeekersHub, so that you can better ground yourself with your deen.
Make dua for your daughter everyday. Ask Allah to guide her, protect her, and to make her amongst the foremost of the righteous. Strive to improve your own state so that you can nurture her well. Please refer to articles such as Raising Children with Deen and Dunya to guide you along. When registration reopens, please consider enrolling in the course How To Raise Righteous Children.
I pray that Allah draws you ever closer to Him, and makes obedience to Him a source of joy for you.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.